So here I am, now 20 weeks pregnant and I thought that this day would never come. I have a lot of moments like that. I remember back when I was young and single and my theoretical wedding seemed forever away, if it happened at all. I remember being newly married and trying to get pregnant and feeling like it was never going to happen. I couldn't for the life of me picture myself pregnant, though I wanted to be more than anything. And I know when I hold my beautiful baby in my arms for the first time, this moment of being 20 weeks pregnant will seem like it was forever away. I am trying very hard to enjoy every moment for what it is. I am the type of person that always is looking forward to the next thing and I am sure I have missed out on some of the joy of "living in the moment". That sounds like such a romantic and spontaneous notion, yet it has always seemed to elude me. Anyways, I digress.
I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks and the first two weeks passed pretty uneventfully. Then, a switch went off at 6 weeks that made me understand part of what people talked about when they mentioned the "first trimester". I was exhausted. And for the first time in my life, I was LAZY. It was horrifying and luxurious all at the same time. I would get home from work shortly after 5:00 and I didn't really get off the couch till bed time. Which became like, 8:30. I never got morning sickness. As long as I kept my belly full of rich, starchy, fatty foods, I stayed comfortable. Comfortable and fat. I realize weight gain is a natural part of pregnancy, and trust me, I am far from shying away from it. I just didn't want it to become such a natural part of my first trimester. About a 10-12 pound natural part. (insert shudder here). However, I didn't really care, I just wanted to not feel yucky, and fast food and bread seemed to do the trick. Also, salad and veggies and fruit were no longer appealing. It was sad, but hormones can do some crazy things to you. Hormones also made me a coffee lover after spending my entire life HATING the taste of anything even remotely coffee flavored. Hormones also seemed to take away my sweet tooth and replace it with a salty one. Anyone that knows me, knows that's REALLY weird for me. Anyway, by about 11 and a half weeks, the same switch that flipped at 6 weeks, flipped back. I started to feel like me again. I got up off the couch, cleaned my house, and could start eating more normally. It was wonderful, and I was thankful for the transition. My first trimester did yield two wonderful moments. At 9 and a half weeks, at my first doctor's appointment, I heard the amazing sound of my baby's heartbeat. I wept tears of joy and relief at the rapid little sound. Also, at 12 and a half weeks, I had my first ultrasound. My husband and I immensely enjoyed watching our little one bounce around off the inside of my uterus like a little pinball. We could see every little feature of our baby and we took home 6 pictures that are one of the most precious things I own. Also, I know they tell you that you need to drink 32 ounces of water, but that's really excessive. The technician told me to go to the bathroom twice during the ultrasound because my bladder was too full. Good riddance.
My second trimester has been a lot more comfortable and a bit more eventful. I finally started showing between 14 and 15 weeks and have been sporting a quickly growing baby bump ever since. A lot of maternity clothes nowadays are super cute and I have stocked my wardrobe with several things. I felt the baby move for the first time at 16 weeks. I was laying in bed on my stomach and Baby K gave me a little nudge. Since then, I have felt two pokes and a roll at 19 weeks. I am soooo excited to start feeling regular movement. It is so unbelievably incredible to know the the Lord has equipped my body perfectly to literally grow my baby into the cuddly bundle that I can't wait to hold. This has been the first half of my pregnancy. It has been the wonderful journey so far that I imagined it would be. I'll get back to you when I am 39 weeks pregnant and let you know if the journey is still super wonderful. :) So far though, I am grateful for the fact that we women do not lay eggs instead.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Saturday, November 17, 2012
My miracle baby
So far, I have posted about pretty heavy topics and fairly big events in my life. I feel like I should post about something a little more day-to-day like the latest craft I have tried or recipe that I have experimented with. It would actually help if I had actually done either of those things. Major props to the women who spend hours doing both of those things and enjoy them to boot. I don't know if it's a left-brained/right-brained thing, but whichever side love things culinary and creative, I wasn't born with it. So instead, I look at the masterpieces other people have created and marvel at their patience and creativity. But this post isn't going to be about anything day-to-day anyway. It's going to be about the events that led up to the conception of my miracle baby, temporarily, yet affectionately known as Baby K. This is an incredibly personal topic for me. The reason I share all of these things is that in case someone is reading this who struggles with the same thing, they could be encouraged or comforted. Also, the Lord did an amazing work in my life and He deserves to be praised. :)
First of all, I think that every baby is an absolute miracle. Regardless of the circumstances under which they were conceived. However, I consider my baby to be even more of a miracle because of the change that occurred in me leading up to my pregnancy. It was shortly after we were married when I brought up to my husband about trying to have a baby. And by shortly I mean I think we were still on our honeymoon. He knew that I wanted children more than anything and at 25, my biological clock was starting to tick. We had also talked before we even got married about not waiting a long time to start trying to have children. He was hesitant to start trying right away because he assumed that it would happen shortly after we started trying. But we started anyway. The first three months were fun and full of anticipation. Did it happen? Was I pregnant? The next three months weren't quite as exciting, but they were still manageable. Once we hit the six month mark, I started to feel panic and fear creeping up through my entire being. I tried to shove it away and ignore it, constantly telling myself that it can take even a normal, young, healthy couple up to a year to get pregnant.
Then we hit the 9 month mark and still, no baby. If you have ever been or are in a situation where you desperately want to have a baby, my heart goes out to you. This was one of the hardest things I had ever dealt with in my life. It was the reason that my first year of marriage was the best year and the hardest year of my life. There were so many emotions going through me. Fear, anger, confusion, despair, jealousy. When you are trying to have a baby, isn't it just torture how everyone else seems to be pregnant or have a newborn? The sight of their adorable round bellies or squirming babies make you want to curl up in a ball and cry. It makes that ache deep inside of you burn hotter and feel even more raw. By the time I had hit the year mark and still wasn't pregnant, I was certain that something was wrong with either me or Jeff. There had to be some kind of fertility problem and that's why we were not conceiving. That was something I deeply feared. Jeff and I don't have a lot of money and of course my mind shot to the worst case scenario where we would be taking out another mortgage on our house to afford fertility treatments. I was determined to figure out if their was a problem so I got a referral and put in a call to a reproductive endocrinologist. Jeff and I were both going to get tested.
The couples that use these kinds of methods in order to have a baby have a special kind of strength. The testing is invasive and painful and expensive. The privacy of your marriage bed now becomes the business of a doctor. I can't even imagine the courage it requires to pursue further treatments. I felt so embarrassed and incompetent just being there. Here I was, a young, healthy, happily married woman and I couldn't figure out how to make something happen that a couple of drunk teenagers seem perfectly capable of mastering. The shame that I carried with me while I was pursuing treatment there was hard to bear. But the Lord was killing my pride and thankfully so, it was just dying a slow, painful death. Thankfully all of the tests came back showing that Jeff and I were both indeed healthy and fertile. That was a huge load off of my shoulders and a relief on top of that. The doctors advised me to start a treatment with fertility drugs. I hesitantly agreed, after all, they were the experts and they assumed that I came to them wanting them to get me pregnant, rather than simply diagnose problems. After one unsuccessful cycle, I felt a deep sense of unrest. I just didn't feel a peace about what I was doing.
I went home one day and talked to my husband and asked him what he thought. He in turn asked me what I thought. He does that a lot. I told him how I felt and how I thought we should stop going to this doctor. I do not think there is anything wrong with people who choose to pursue that sort of treatment, it just wasn't right for me any more. As soon as I stopped going, I instantly felt better. While I still desperately wanted a baby, I felt a peace that I didn't have before. Since I knew there were no physical problems with me or Jeff, I strongly felt that the Lord was telling me to simply wait on His timing. That is a very simple thing to understand, but a very hard thing to do. For those of you who really know me, you know that patience isn't my strong suit. The hardest thing for me to ever do is just WAIT. I hate waiting, for anything, ever. It is something that I think the Lord delights in trying to teach me. But I was determined to trust the Lord for His best in my life, even though I wasn't ready to face the fact that I might never be a mother. After nearly a year and a half, my husband and I were both discouraged and disheartened, but we both trusted the Lord for the baby we so desperately wanted.
Meanwhile, my husband had been searching for a better job since he got out of college. He wanted something that would offer him health benefits, room for growth and advancement, and eventually a large enough salary so that I could quit working and stay home with our future children. He had had a couple of interviews, but nothing had panned out so far. We both were pretty convinced that God wanted Jeff to take care of his career first, so that it would better pave the way for us to have a family. In the middle of August, he got a call back and interviewed with a company right down the street from his old job. They offered him a chance to use more of the skills he cultivated in college and they had a health care plan. Jeff accepted the job and was still able to work a couple hours at his old job to make some extra money. We then went on our yearly family beach vacation and had a blast the way we always do. Two weeks later and I was starting to lose my mind. I knew I was expecting my period any day and I kept wracking my brain for any signs that it was coming. I went through this every month. The roller coaster ride of excitement and then the crash landing of disappointment that always ended in gut-wrenching sobs. I set myself a date to take a test if I hadn't gotten my period by then. I called my mom the night before and I told her that I thought I was pregnant but that I was probably just psyching myself out. Needless to say, I couldn't sleep that night.
On Saturday August 25th, I jumped out of bed with a jolt and took my dollar store test. I was displeased with the ambiguous result so I gently, yet urgently woke my husband and told him we needed to go out and get a more definite test. We threw the dog in the car and went to Walgreens. I grabbed a box of the digital ones, with the words pregnant or not pregnant, and we went home. I went in the bathroom and sat waiting the three minutes with my eyes closed. I was almost afraid to look. I finally did, and what I saw took my breath away. PREGNANT. I couldn't believe it. It couldn't be real. I sat there for a full five minutes just letting it sink in. I ran out to my husband and with tears in my eyes told him that we were finally going to have a baby. He rocked me in his arms and I just let the tears fall. Tears that spilled from happiness, relief, excitement, and thankfulness. I was finally going to be a MOTHER. I drove to my mom's house and barely got the words, "Mom, I'm gonna have a baby" out of my mouth before we both dissolved in tears. I am so unbelievably excited and thrilled to finally be a mother and hold my baby in my arms. Motherhood is an incredibly sacred job and I cannot wait to be a part of it.
My husband and I were both blown away by the timing of the pregnancy in regards to his job situation. Two weeks after he got his new job, we found out I was pregnant. Is God amazing or what? One thing I have learned in my life is that God's timing is always perfect, even if it doesn't make sense to us. The Lord has blessed me so much, not just with the most amazing husband, but also with this unborn child who I am head over heels in love with already. As far as I'm concerned, May 4th can't come soon enough. :)
First of all, I think that every baby is an absolute miracle. Regardless of the circumstances under which they were conceived. However, I consider my baby to be even more of a miracle because of the change that occurred in me leading up to my pregnancy. It was shortly after we were married when I brought up to my husband about trying to have a baby. And by shortly I mean I think we were still on our honeymoon. He knew that I wanted children more than anything and at 25, my biological clock was starting to tick. We had also talked before we even got married about not waiting a long time to start trying to have children. He was hesitant to start trying right away because he assumed that it would happen shortly after we started trying. But we started anyway. The first three months were fun and full of anticipation. Did it happen? Was I pregnant? The next three months weren't quite as exciting, but they were still manageable. Once we hit the six month mark, I started to feel panic and fear creeping up through my entire being. I tried to shove it away and ignore it, constantly telling myself that it can take even a normal, young, healthy couple up to a year to get pregnant.
Then we hit the 9 month mark and still, no baby. If you have ever been or are in a situation where you desperately want to have a baby, my heart goes out to you. This was one of the hardest things I had ever dealt with in my life. It was the reason that my first year of marriage was the best year and the hardest year of my life. There were so many emotions going through me. Fear, anger, confusion, despair, jealousy. When you are trying to have a baby, isn't it just torture how everyone else seems to be pregnant or have a newborn? The sight of their adorable round bellies or squirming babies make you want to curl up in a ball and cry. It makes that ache deep inside of you burn hotter and feel even more raw. By the time I had hit the year mark and still wasn't pregnant, I was certain that something was wrong with either me or Jeff. There had to be some kind of fertility problem and that's why we were not conceiving. That was something I deeply feared. Jeff and I don't have a lot of money and of course my mind shot to the worst case scenario where we would be taking out another mortgage on our house to afford fertility treatments. I was determined to figure out if their was a problem so I got a referral and put in a call to a reproductive endocrinologist. Jeff and I were both going to get tested.
The couples that use these kinds of methods in order to have a baby have a special kind of strength. The testing is invasive and painful and expensive. The privacy of your marriage bed now becomes the business of a doctor. I can't even imagine the courage it requires to pursue further treatments. I felt so embarrassed and incompetent just being there. Here I was, a young, healthy, happily married woman and I couldn't figure out how to make something happen that a couple of drunk teenagers seem perfectly capable of mastering. The shame that I carried with me while I was pursuing treatment there was hard to bear. But the Lord was killing my pride and thankfully so, it was just dying a slow, painful death. Thankfully all of the tests came back showing that Jeff and I were both indeed healthy and fertile. That was a huge load off of my shoulders and a relief on top of that. The doctors advised me to start a treatment with fertility drugs. I hesitantly agreed, after all, they were the experts and they assumed that I came to them wanting them to get me pregnant, rather than simply diagnose problems. After one unsuccessful cycle, I felt a deep sense of unrest. I just didn't feel a peace about what I was doing.
I went home one day and talked to my husband and asked him what he thought. He in turn asked me what I thought. He does that a lot. I told him how I felt and how I thought we should stop going to this doctor. I do not think there is anything wrong with people who choose to pursue that sort of treatment, it just wasn't right for me any more. As soon as I stopped going, I instantly felt better. While I still desperately wanted a baby, I felt a peace that I didn't have before. Since I knew there were no physical problems with me or Jeff, I strongly felt that the Lord was telling me to simply wait on His timing. That is a very simple thing to understand, but a very hard thing to do. For those of you who really know me, you know that patience isn't my strong suit. The hardest thing for me to ever do is just WAIT. I hate waiting, for anything, ever. It is something that I think the Lord delights in trying to teach me. But I was determined to trust the Lord for His best in my life, even though I wasn't ready to face the fact that I might never be a mother. After nearly a year and a half, my husband and I were both discouraged and disheartened, but we both trusted the Lord for the baby we so desperately wanted.
Meanwhile, my husband had been searching for a better job since he got out of college. He wanted something that would offer him health benefits, room for growth and advancement, and eventually a large enough salary so that I could quit working and stay home with our future children. He had had a couple of interviews, but nothing had panned out so far. We both were pretty convinced that God wanted Jeff to take care of his career first, so that it would better pave the way for us to have a family. In the middle of August, he got a call back and interviewed with a company right down the street from his old job. They offered him a chance to use more of the skills he cultivated in college and they had a health care plan. Jeff accepted the job and was still able to work a couple hours at his old job to make some extra money. We then went on our yearly family beach vacation and had a blast the way we always do. Two weeks later and I was starting to lose my mind. I knew I was expecting my period any day and I kept wracking my brain for any signs that it was coming. I went through this every month. The roller coaster ride of excitement and then the crash landing of disappointment that always ended in gut-wrenching sobs. I set myself a date to take a test if I hadn't gotten my period by then. I called my mom the night before and I told her that I thought I was pregnant but that I was probably just psyching myself out. Needless to say, I couldn't sleep that night.
On Saturday August 25th, I jumped out of bed with a jolt and took my dollar store test. I was displeased with the ambiguous result so I gently, yet urgently woke my husband and told him we needed to go out and get a more definite test. We threw the dog in the car and went to Walgreens. I grabbed a box of the digital ones, with the words pregnant or not pregnant, and we went home. I went in the bathroom and sat waiting the three minutes with my eyes closed. I was almost afraid to look. I finally did, and what I saw took my breath away. PREGNANT. I couldn't believe it. It couldn't be real. I sat there for a full five minutes just letting it sink in. I ran out to my husband and with tears in my eyes told him that we were finally going to have a baby. He rocked me in his arms and I just let the tears fall. Tears that spilled from happiness, relief, excitement, and thankfulness. I was finally going to be a MOTHER. I drove to my mom's house and barely got the words, "Mom, I'm gonna have a baby" out of my mouth before we both dissolved in tears. I am so unbelievably excited and thrilled to finally be a mother and hold my baby in my arms. Motherhood is an incredibly sacred job and I cannot wait to be a part of it.
My husband and I were both blown away by the timing of the pregnancy in regards to his job situation. Two weeks after he got his new job, we found out I was pregnant. Is God amazing or what? One thing I have learned in my life is that God's timing is always perfect, even if it doesn't make sense to us. The Lord has blessed me so much, not just with the most amazing husband, but also with this unborn child who I am head over heels in love with already. As far as I'm concerned, May 4th can't come soon enough. :)
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Mrs. Jeffrey Kulp
Sooo my wedding......finally.
First of all, my hat is off to anyone who plans a wedding and doesn't lose their mind when it actually comes to the day. Planning a wedding is a big deal and I am not saying there is any right or wrong way to do it. Just because I chose to do things a certain way, doesn't mean it is better than anyone else. It is just what worked for me. Weddings are generally as big of a deal as you make them to be. If you want a big, elaborate wedding, you are probably going to have more of a headache than people who plan smaller ones. Again, I am speaking in generalities in here. I loved every second of my wedding and I wouldn't have changed a thing. So here it is....
December 13th, 2010 was by far the best day of my life up until that point. The love of my life just asked me to MARRY him. To spend eternity with him. Other than feelings of elation, surprise, joy, and ecstasy, also came the feeling of relief. This was the end of the line for me. No more awkward first dates or wondering when the heartbreak was coming. I was finally done playing the man game. And I had won, big time. My husband is absolutely fabulous in every sense of the word. And he wanted ME. And the moment that beautiful diamond went on my finger, the wedding wheels in my head began to turn. Well actually, that's a lie. The wedding wheels had been turning in my head for quite some time. See, I knew that Jeff was The One about two months into our relationship. He didn't know it at the time, but that was ok. I was sure and I knew God would show him when the time was right. And He did. I knew that I did not want a long engagement. I wanted a beautiful wedding, sure, but more than anything, I wanted a husband. My lifelong dream was to BE married, not to GET married. But since you have to get married to be married, I started planning the first day that would lead to the rest of my life.
I started by thinking of a date. I started looking at February or March because I felt that I could manage that wait time and because it would be cheaper, until my mom told me that the internship that my brother Aaron was on would not allow him to come home during it. He was scheduled to return on Friday April 1st, 2011. So naturally I started planning my wedding for Saturday, April 2nd. I called a couple of venues and compared prices and picked the one that offered the best deal. I decided early on that I wanted a venue like a country club, one that included everything. I hate making phone calls so the more I could consolidate into one phone call, the better. April is still a pretty cheap and unpopular time to get married so thankfully my date was available and I booked a day time wedding. So now I had about 3 and a half months to plan a wedding. And people told me it would go really fast. Well, it actually didn't. Those were the longest 3 and a half months of my life. Since I pretty much planned everything in the first three weeks, there wasn't much left to do for much of the time.
I chose the Warrington Country Club as the place to have both my ceremony and my reception. It was great because through them I picked my food, my centerpieces, my linens, my drinks, and my cake. My mom came with me for most of my appointments. She had double duty both as the mother of the bride and the matron of honor. (Brief sidebar) I know it's not really tradition or popular for brides to pick their mothers as their matrons of honor, but apart from my husband, my mom has always been, and will always be my best friend. As I was growing up, she somehow managed to ride the fine line between mother and friend and has been the best of both of those to me. She was there any time I needed her and loved me and supported me when it felt like no one else did. She has helped make me into the woman I am today and I am blessed beyond words to have her as an example of a wife and mother now, and as I was growing up. Anyway, I have never been one to lollygag when it comes to making decisions so for most things in my wedding, I picked the first thing I liked, and went with it.
When my girls and I went dress shopping, I picked my dress in less than an hour after arrival. I tried two dresses on and picked the second one. The thought of spending any more time trying dresses on made me crazy because I hate shopping to begin with and getting in and out of those dresses was exhausting. I loved my wedding dress and I was even happier that I didn't spend a fortune on it. Luckily, it needed no alterations either. So fast forward through most of he planning, because it really wasn't that interesting. Although, I must tell my cake story. My mom and I met at the country club with the coordinator and I knew today I needed to pick the style, flavors, and colors for my cake. Anyone that knows me knows that I am an incredibly organized, detail-oriented, borderline anal person who normally is on the ball with everything. I sat down with the very nice lady and she asked me how the cake tasting went. In that brief moment before I answered her, I panicked. I wracked my brain and could not think of a time when she had said that a cake tasting was required before picking a cake. I had no desire to do a cake tasting, though I would have if it was required. I sheepishly asked her if I missed that detail and she surprisingly said that it wasn't necessary, only that most people wanted to. I cannot tell you the relief that washed over me. It was quite comical.
So the morning of April 2nd, I woke up and showered and got my hair done. We drove to the country club and got ready. I sat in front of the mirror in the bridal room and my mom sat beside me. She started to say some really mushy emotional and I quickly shushed her because I knew she was going to make me cry and I didn't want to mess with the make up. Besides, there didn't need to be words between us. We both knew what this day meant. We both spent countless nights staying up late talking about it, crying about it, and her trying to convince me that someday, this day would come. And here it was. I was finally the bride. My prince waited only minutes away. I climbed the stairs to meet my father, who would walk me down the aisle and give me away to my husband. Not only did he give me away, but he transferred the covering of protection that he had been responsible for til this point, to a man that he had to trust would protect his little girl at all costs, the way he had. The moment I remember the most was when Jeff laid eyes on me for the first time, looking the best that I will probably ever look, and I smiled. I smiled so big I thought my cheeks would crack. I walked down that aisle and exchanged the sweetest words I have ever spoken. I promised to love, honor, and obey this man forever. And I fully intend to.
Marriage has been absolutely wonderful. This has been the best and one of the hardest years of my life. But through all of it, my husband has been amazing and never once have I questioned whether or not I made the right choice by marrying him. The Lord has blessed me abundantly with a husband that will get up at night and turn the fan on when I forgot and am already cozy in bed and who will settle for soup and grilled cheese when I would rather eat glass shards than cook. I could list a thousand more things like this. So yeah, my wedding was pretty darn amazing, but my marriage has been even more incredible. :)
First of all, my hat is off to anyone who plans a wedding and doesn't lose their mind when it actually comes to the day. Planning a wedding is a big deal and I am not saying there is any right or wrong way to do it. Just because I chose to do things a certain way, doesn't mean it is better than anyone else. It is just what worked for me. Weddings are generally as big of a deal as you make them to be. If you want a big, elaborate wedding, you are probably going to have more of a headache than people who plan smaller ones. Again, I am speaking in generalities in here. I loved every second of my wedding and I wouldn't have changed a thing. So here it is....
December 13th, 2010 was by far the best day of my life up until that point. The love of my life just asked me to MARRY him. To spend eternity with him. Other than feelings of elation, surprise, joy, and ecstasy, also came the feeling of relief. This was the end of the line for me. No more awkward first dates or wondering when the heartbreak was coming. I was finally done playing the man game. And I had won, big time. My husband is absolutely fabulous in every sense of the word. And he wanted ME. And the moment that beautiful diamond went on my finger, the wedding wheels in my head began to turn. Well actually, that's a lie. The wedding wheels had been turning in my head for quite some time. See, I knew that Jeff was The One about two months into our relationship. He didn't know it at the time, but that was ok. I was sure and I knew God would show him when the time was right. And He did. I knew that I did not want a long engagement. I wanted a beautiful wedding, sure, but more than anything, I wanted a husband. My lifelong dream was to BE married, not to GET married. But since you have to get married to be married, I started planning the first day that would lead to the rest of my life.
I started by thinking of a date. I started looking at February or March because I felt that I could manage that wait time and because it would be cheaper, until my mom told me that the internship that my brother Aaron was on would not allow him to come home during it. He was scheduled to return on Friday April 1st, 2011. So naturally I started planning my wedding for Saturday, April 2nd. I called a couple of venues and compared prices and picked the one that offered the best deal. I decided early on that I wanted a venue like a country club, one that included everything. I hate making phone calls so the more I could consolidate into one phone call, the better. April is still a pretty cheap and unpopular time to get married so thankfully my date was available and I booked a day time wedding. So now I had about 3 and a half months to plan a wedding. And people told me it would go really fast. Well, it actually didn't. Those were the longest 3 and a half months of my life. Since I pretty much planned everything in the first three weeks, there wasn't much left to do for much of the time.
I chose the Warrington Country Club as the place to have both my ceremony and my reception. It was great because through them I picked my food, my centerpieces, my linens, my drinks, and my cake. My mom came with me for most of my appointments. She had double duty both as the mother of the bride and the matron of honor. (Brief sidebar) I know it's not really tradition or popular for brides to pick their mothers as their matrons of honor, but apart from my husband, my mom has always been, and will always be my best friend. As I was growing up, she somehow managed to ride the fine line between mother and friend and has been the best of both of those to me. She was there any time I needed her and loved me and supported me when it felt like no one else did. She has helped make me into the woman I am today and I am blessed beyond words to have her as an example of a wife and mother now, and as I was growing up. Anyway, I have never been one to lollygag when it comes to making decisions so for most things in my wedding, I picked the first thing I liked, and went with it.
When my girls and I went dress shopping, I picked my dress in less than an hour after arrival. I tried two dresses on and picked the second one. The thought of spending any more time trying dresses on made me crazy because I hate shopping to begin with and getting in and out of those dresses was exhausting. I loved my wedding dress and I was even happier that I didn't spend a fortune on it. Luckily, it needed no alterations either. So fast forward through most of he planning, because it really wasn't that interesting. Although, I must tell my cake story. My mom and I met at the country club with the coordinator and I knew today I needed to pick the style, flavors, and colors for my cake. Anyone that knows me knows that I am an incredibly organized, detail-oriented, borderline anal person who normally is on the ball with everything. I sat down with the very nice lady and she asked me how the cake tasting went. In that brief moment before I answered her, I panicked. I wracked my brain and could not think of a time when she had said that a cake tasting was required before picking a cake. I had no desire to do a cake tasting, though I would have if it was required. I sheepishly asked her if I missed that detail and she surprisingly said that it wasn't necessary, only that most people wanted to. I cannot tell you the relief that washed over me. It was quite comical.
So the morning of April 2nd, I woke up and showered and got my hair done. We drove to the country club and got ready. I sat in front of the mirror in the bridal room and my mom sat beside me. She started to say some really mushy emotional and I quickly shushed her because I knew she was going to make me cry and I didn't want to mess with the make up. Besides, there didn't need to be words between us. We both knew what this day meant. We both spent countless nights staying up late talking about it, crying about it, and her trying to convince me that someday, this day would come. And here it was. I was finally the bride. My prince waited only minutes away. I climbed the stairs to meet my father, who would walk me down the aisle and give me away to my husband. Not only did he give me away, but he transferred the covering of protection that he had been responsible for til this point, to a man that he had to trust would protect his little girl at all costs, the way he had. The moment I remember the most was when Jeff laid eyes on me for the first time, looking the best that I will probably ever look, and I smiled. I smiled so big I thought my cheeks would crack. I walked down that aisle and exchanged the sweetest words I have ever spoken. I promised to love, honor, and obey this man forever. And I fully intend to.
Marriage has been absolutely wonderful. This has been the best and one of the hardest years of my life. But through all of it, my husband has been amazing and never once have I questioned whether or not I made the right choice by marrying him. The Lord has blessed me abundantly with a husband that will get up at night and turn the fan on when I forgot and am already cozy in bed and who will settle for soup and grilled cheese when I would rather eat glass shards than cook. I could list a thousand more things like this. So yeah, my wedding was pretty darn amazing, but my marriage has been even more incredible. :)
Saturday, November 3, 2012
My own love story
To give a little more background on me, I have always wanted two things in life more than anything else, aside from wanting to follow the Lord forever. The two big dreams that I had in life were to get married and to have children, and if I could, lots of children. When I hit about 18, I thought I was ready to start making these dreams come true. Little did I realize how little control I had over either of these two dreams. My boyfriend at the time was understandably nowhere near ready to be part of any of the grand ideas that I had planned. That relationship ended shortly after I turned 21 and that launched a part of my life that I generally refer to as the "dark ages". I don't really prefer to talk about it, think about, or revisit it. I did so many things that I am not proud of and the only good thing that came out of it was an even bigger realization of the things that the blood of Jesus is capable of saving me from. It is by His grace, and His grace alone, that I am remotely worthy of the wonderful life I have been given and that I can stand pure in front of His throne. But I digress. Anyway, by the time I was 24, it appeared I was nowhere near finding someone who would want to marry me, let alone someone who would dare procreate with me. Parts of me were still angry and bitter, and wanted nothing to do with men anyway since during my "dark ages" the only men I had met were ones not worth meeting. Surprisingly, not wanting anything to do with men is something a woman has to get over if she ever has any hope of getting married.
It was December 2009 and I was sitting in the van that I use to pick up school age kids and take them back to Tabor, where I work. I was always about 10-15 minutes early to this school and normally just sat there and waited. On this particular day, a ruggedly handsome man, that I swore had to be like 35 at least, knocked on my window and asked if I would like to hand out candy canes to my kids, since he conveniently had some leftover after giving them to the kids in his van. I agreed. I mean, why not, right? Every kid likes a candy cane. In true Hannah fashion, I missed his less than subtle attempt to hit on me. Subtlety is lost on me 98% of the time, with regards to anything. After he gave me the candy canes, he didn't say anything more and neither did I, so he walked back to his van. It was a courteous, but unremarkable gesture and interaction. Little did I know, I had just met the man that on February 21st, 2010, would ask me to be his girlfriend. Little did I know that on December 13th, 2010 (which had to be the coldest night ever), that this man would take me on a horse drawn carriage ride through Shady Brook Farm's Christmas light show and blur my eyes with tears as he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. And little did I know, that a short 3 1/2 months later, this man would stand before me at an altar, in front of everyone that meant the most to us, and pledge to love me with all of his heart, forever and always.
To me, my story is so much more than just a cute romance. It's about a God, Master and Ruler of the entire universe, who cared enough to reach down and pull an angry, dirty, broken girl out of her sin and filth, and clean her, forgive her and ready her to not only be His bride, but the bride of her earthly Prince Charming as well. It's about a man, gentle as a lamb, yet strong and steady as a rock, who met a strong-willed and high strung girl, with more faults than you could count, and fell in love with her and married her anyway. And every day, another chapter is written. Again, I intended to post about my actual wedding in this post and again, I used it for something else. Oh well, I will get there eventually! :)
Till next time,
Hannah
It was December 2009 and I was sitting in the van that I use to pick up school age kids and take them back to Tabor, where I work. I was always about 10-15 minutes early to this school and normally just sat there and waited. On this particular day, a ruggedly handsome man, that I swore had to be like 35 at least, knocked on my window and asked if I would like to hand out candy canes to my kids, since he conveniently had some leftover after giving them to the kids in his van. I agreed. I mean, why not, right? Every kid likes a candy cane. In true Hannah fashion, I missed his less than subtle attempt to hit on me. Subtlety is lost on me 98% of the time, with regards to anything. After he gave me the candy canes, he didn't say anything more and neither did I, so he walked back to his van. It was a courteous, but unremarkable gesture and interaction. Little did I know, I had just met the man that on February 21st, 2010, would ask me to be his girlfriend. Little did I know that on December 13th, 2010 (which had to be the coldest night ever), that this man would take me on a horse drawn carriage ride through Shady Brook Farm's Christmas light show and blur my eyes with tears as he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. And little did I know, that a short 3 1/2 months later, this man would stand before me at an altar, in front of everyone that meant the most to us, and pledge to love me with all of his heart, forever and always.
To me, my story is so much more than just a cute romance. It's about a God, Master and Ruler of the entire universe, who cared enough to reach down and pull an angry, dirty, broken girl out of her sin and filth, and clean her, forgive her and ready her to not only be His bride, but the bride of her earthly Prince Charming as well. It's about a man, gentle as a lamb, yet strong and steady as a rock, who met a strong-willed and high strung girl, with more faults than you could count, and fell in love with her and married her anyway. And every day, another chapter is written. Again, I intended to post about my actual wedding in this post and again, I used it for something else. Oh well, I will get there eventually! :)
Till next time,
Hannah
Friday, November 2, 2012
Getting started
Soooo, I am going to attempt to be a blogger. I hope that means nothing more than one who attempts to keep a blog, because if it does, I am in more trouble than I thought. I have no clue what I'm doing and hopefully not too many people laugh at my attempts. I have always loved the art of keeping a journal, and up until now, I have always kept them the old fashioned way: with pen and paper. I enjoy writing immensely and how perfectly words almost always seem to express what I want to say. I also want to put out a disclaimer. Anything that I write on here is purely my opinions and experiences. I do not look down on anyone else who thinks or does differently because I know that even within Christian circles, for example, things vary vastly. I hope I do not offend anyone or that anyone thinks I am being too sarcastic. I try to be real, and I try to be relatable, however that ends up looking.
I realize that the title of my blog is cheesy, and truthfully, that's one of the reasons why I never decided to seriously pursue writing. I am horrible when it comes to trying to think of titles. However, the title of my blog pretty accurately conveys what I hope my life to be. I want my life to have adventure. That's one of the reasons I follow the Lord, got married, and decided to start having children. All three of those things, and you would know if you ever tried any of them, contain fairly massive amounts of adventure at one time or another. Following the Lord has been a lifelong journey for me and has certainly contained the most reward, brought me the most joy, and at times brought me the most trial. How undeserving any of us are of such a beautiful and flawless relationship! And I mean it is beautiful and flawless on His end, certainly not on ours. I know that some of the adventures I experience in other aspects of my life will constantly drive me to my knees before the cross, and for this, I am eternally thankful.
I got married on April 2, 2011 and it was by far the most surreal and blissful day of my life. This alone will deserve its own post because it was so many kinds of wonderful. I LOVE being married and even though it isn't always easy, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I daily try to look for ways that I can be a better wife to my husband, Jeff. In some ways, I am still trying to figure out what that looks like exactly. .And believe me when I say that there is plenty of room for improvement in my attempts to be a godly wife. For instance, I would much rather spend my fall and winter Sunday afternoons watching football, than scouring through Pinterest for the next best recipe to try that I think my husband might like. I cook out of necessity, not out of desire. And because I also think there might be a some kind of biblical command for a wife to cook for her husband, but don't quote me on that. The most confusing part about all of this is, I don't necessarily believe there is anything wrong with that. My husband never goes hungry. Either, I cook one of the seven things that I continually cycle through week after week, or, if I am drawing a complete blank, or forgot to defrost the meat again, I casually mention that it is Whopper Wednesday, and offer to drive. Like I said, my marriage is far from perfect, but it is my perfect calling in life.
I hope in some ways my blog can be an encouragement to other people, specifically women, about trying to live up to expectations, trying to do things the right way, or trying to be a woman the way you think is proper. Anyone who knows me knows that proper isn't a word you would use to describe me, like ever. But like a lot of people, I want to be a "good" Christian, and a "good" wife, and a "good" mother. I want to thrive within my calling and be the love of Jesus to anyone and everyone. So, here's to that journey! Feel free to join me!
I realize that the title of my blog is cheesy, and truthfully, that's one of the reasons why I never decided to seriously pursue writing. I am horrible when it comes to trying to think of titles. However, the title of my blog pretty accurately conveys what I hope my life to be. I want my life to have adventure. That's one of the reasons I follow the Lord, got married, and decided to start having children. All three of those things, and you would know if you ever tried any of them, contain fairly massive amounts of adventure at one time or another. Following the Lord has been a lifelong journey for me and has certainly contained the most reward, brought me the most joy, and at times brought me the most trial. How undeserving any of us are of such a beautiful and flawless relationship! And I mean it is beautiful and flawless on His end, certainly not on ours. I know that some of the adventures I experience in other aspects of my life will constantly drive me to my knees before the cross, and for this, I am eternally thankful.
I got married on April 2, 2011 and it was by far the most surreal and blissful day of my life. This alone will deserve its own post because it was so many kinds of wonderful. I LOVE being married and even though it isn't always easy, it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I daily try to look for ways that I can be a better wife to my husband, Jeff. In some ways, I am still trying to figure out what that looks like exactly. .And believe me when I say that there is plenty of room for improvement in my attempts to be a godly wife. For instance, I would much rather spend my fall and winter Sunday afternoons watching football, than scouring through Pinterest for the next best recipe to try that I think my husband might like. I cook out of necessity, not out of desire. And because I also think there might be a some kind of biblical command for a wife to cook for her husband, but don't quote me on that. The most confusing part about all of this is, I don't necessarily believe there is anything wrong with that. My husband never goes hungry. Either, I cook one of the seven things that I continually cycle through week after week, or, if I am drawing a complete blank, or forgot to defrost the meat again, I casually mention that it is Whopper Wednesday, and offer to drive. Like I said, my marriage is far from perfect, but it is my perfect calling in life.
I hope in some ways my blog can be an encouragement to other people, specifically women, about trying to live up to expectations, trying to do things the right way, or trying to be a woman the way you think is proper. Anyone who knows me knows that proper isn't a word you would use to describe me, like ever. But like a lot of people, I want to be a "good" Christian, and a "good" wife, and a "good" mother. I want to thrive within my calling and be the love of Jesus to anyone and everyone. So, here's to that journey! Feel free to join me!
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