See how you've grown.....

Since my baby girl is 6 months old, I figured now was as good a time as ever to post some pictures of our journey thus far. :)

 Her birth was by far one of the most magical days of my life.  Everything about her was and is a miracle.

 Her first little smiles lit up my world.  They still do.

This is a sight that will forever melt my heart.  My husband could not be more in love with his little girl. :)

 6 weeks after Shayna's birth, we welcomed her cousin, Dalyce Lynn into the world. They are trouble together already haha.

 Our first family pictures :)

 She has eyes so blue they could set your soul on fire.

 This was Shayna's first Sea Isle City beach trip.  We decided to take her back to her roots. :)

 She absolutely loves bath time.  Her favorite part is when I let her chew on the wash cloth at the end.

 And at 6 months, I now have a tummy sleeper on my hands. :)

She is the sunshine of our lives and we love her more and more every day.

Mommy wars

I follow this facebook page where women post questions about breastfeeding, mainly.  But occasionally there will be questions posted about other things pertaining to motherhood.  It is amazing to me how critical and judgmental fellow mommies can be of one another.  The spectrum of parenthood is so vast and so broad and I think there are very few completely right answers, a couple of totally wrong answers and a whole bunch of just plain answers.  I think most parents would agree that you should always make sure, to the best of your abilities, that your children have enough to eat.  I think most parents would agree that obvious child abuse is abhorrent and wrong.  But throw in a topic like "sleep training" and you will have an explosion of opinions and maybe a few "facts".  Many mommies will think that you absolutely should sleep train your babies and you will have just as many mommies who think that the idea of training your baby to sleep is ridiculous.  Basically, what it comes down to is, WHO CARES?  If I am talking to fellow Christian mommies, the most important thing you can train your children to do is love the Lord, respect their father, and be kind to their siblings, if they have them.  Mothers make decisions every day for their babies based on so many factors such as what they think is best for their kids, their convenience, their own sanity and peace of mind, and so on and so forth.  What works for one mom may not work for another.  And that's ok. 

Do what works for you, and I'm going to do what works for me.  If women want to walk around with their babies strapped to their bodies, then let them.  Go smugly push your stroller somewhere else.  If you see a woman  nursing her baby, don't ask her why she would want to "deal" with that.  By far the majority of women who nurse their babies thoroughly enjoy it.  And if for whatever reason formula is what you have chosen, then feel justified in knowing you are still lovingly feeding and providing for your baby.  And for Pete's sake, let the co-sleepers co-sleep.  No one is saying you have to keep your baby in bed with you.  Maybe co-sleeping is the only way some mom can get her baby to sleep more than an hour at a time.  But at the same time, don't insinuate that my child is going to have security issues later in life because she sleeps alone in her crib.  And as far as crying it out goes, do what your gut tells you.  If you feel your baby just needs to figure it out, then do that.  If you feel your child isn't ready for that, or if you don't believe in it, then just don't do it. 

Sometimes there are things that moms have to do differently because of the way they are forced/choose to raise their kids.  Moms who stay home have much more freedom to experiment with their children's schedule than moms who work.  For instance, a mom that works might be more apt to put her baby on a feeding schedule while a stay at home mom would be more able to nurse on demand.  Basically what I'm saying is, I wish more moms could just support and love each other through their differences.  It's ok if people don't always do things your way.  That doesn't necessarily make them wrong.  Accept that.  Let it go.  I catch myself saying all the time, "Oh I would never want to do that".  And I don't.  But I'm sure there are things that I do that would make other moms feel that very same way.  Do what's best for your kids, and while you're at it, spread the love of Jesus. :)

To my beautiful blue-eyed baby girl.....

My dearest daughter,
You are now 6 months old and this time has flown and crawled at the same time.  It's hard to believe all the things you have accomplished so far.  You have gone from only nursing, to eating your oatmeal, fruits and veggies like a champ.  You've gone from sitting in your rocker quietly and contentedly to rattling your toys and kicking your legs and engaging with people who walk by you.  You've gone from sleeping through the night, to being up twice, to now only being up once.  Mommy is hoping that eventually that will come full circle again. :)  You can now sit up, shakily I'll admit, but you love it.  You roll all over the place and enjoy "swimming" on your belly.  And before I know it, that's going to turn into crawling.  You are finally getting some hair, which is only making you marginally less bald.  But that's ok, in time, I know you will have beautiful hair.  You have eyes of the clearest and brightest blue.  I'm not sure where they came from but they are enchanting, and they sparkle when you smile.  You are finally starting to chub up a little bit, but I have a feeling you will always be Mommy's little peanut.  I don't think your feet have grown at all since birth, they are so tiny!  And you love to eat your toes.  You can fit your whole foot in your mouth and you are quite happy to do so. 

Your personality is so chill and you are happiest when you can be down on the floor playing and moving around.  Sometimes a little bit of Mommy comes out in you and you start yelling and expressing your opinion, but for the most part, you are your Daddy, in looks and personality.  Speaking of Daddy, he is hopelessly in love with you.  His eyes light up when he sees you and he talks in that strange little voice when he holds you.  You are his whole world.  I'm not gonna lie, Mommy is a little jealous.  Because there is no competing with how sweet and beautiful you are.  Every one of your aunts and uncles adores you.  They video tape you, take pictures of you, and strip you down to as few layers as possible to see as much of your cuteness as they can.  They cannot get enough of you, no one can.  They love everything about you. 

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that you love sleeping like a big girl in your own crib.  My hat is off to the co-sleepers of this world because as much as I love you, I would lose my mind if you had to sleep in bed with me every night.  Mommy enjoys her own sleeping space and your Daddy quite enjoys your Mommy, alone. :)  And although everyone thinks that I would love for you to sleep through the night, I secretly enjoy our midnight snack and snuggle.  It's our special quiet time and I love it.  It's when Mommy closes her eyes and prays for you.  For your present and future.  That you will get a good night's sleep the rest of the night, and that God would send His angels to watch over you as you sleep.  I pray for your toddler years, that I would be able to train you to be obedient and respectful.  For your young school years, that you would enjoy learning and not feel pushed too hard.  For your teenage years, that you would be kind, love the unlovables, stand firm on what you believe and be Jesus to everyone around you.  For your young adult years, as you will probably meet the man who will be your husband.  That you will practice what it means to be a godly wife, and that you will work to become that woman that would be a godly man's dream come true.  For your years as a young mother, that you might be able to stay home and raise your kids, as I wish I could.  That you would put their needs above your own.  You will be a wonderful wife and mommy some day.  I know it.

There are so many other things I wish I could say to you, Shayna Elizabeth.  There isn't a day that goes by where I know Daddy and I made the right choice in naming you.  Because "beautiful" could not be a more appropriate meaning for your name.  I love you, my little Shayna-belle.  With all my heart and soul.  Happy half-birthday.  Nothing brings me more joy than watching you blossom and grow. <3 It is one of my greatest joys being your mama. 

Mommy struggles....

So here I am, only a few short days away from my daughter being 6 months old, and I am seriously pondering the gravity of this job called mommyhood.  This week has been incredibly stressful.  Shayna is sick for the first time in her little life and it breaks my tender mommy heart.  To hear her chest rattle with every breath, to see the glassiness of her sad blue eyes, and to hear her hoarse little wail because she just doesn't feel good.  And to know that I keep bringing her back to the same place every day that is probably what made her sick in the first place when all she really needs is to rest at home, kills me.  My mommy guilt has plagued me more than usual this week.  To know that right now I can only give my daughter what I consider the second best care in the world and know that she is suffering because of it, is really really hard to swallow.  Now I know she could have gotten sick outside of daycare, but it's hard to keep that in perspective when every morning she is greeted by a crowd of runny noses and a symphony of coughing.  I wish more than anything in the world that things could be different, that I could be the one to put my baby down for naps, feed her the growing variety of fruits and vegetables that she loves so much, and watch her smile while she plays all day long.  I miss her terribly.  Especially when I know she is hurting and all she wants is unlimited mommy cuddles.

My day begins every morning with my alarm clock going off way too soon, getting out of bed 5 minutes too late, and stumbling half conscious to the coffee maker.  What I need to do is get out of bed earlier so that I have time to spend with the Lord so I start the day feeling full rather than empty.  I feel like I never have enough.  I feel inferior at my job, like I'm not as good as the others.  I feel like because of the time my job takes that I don't have enough energy to devote to being a wife and mother so I end up doing a mediocre job at both.  Every day feels like I am running on fumes.  I need to re-prioritize.  I just need more.  More time.  More energy.  I can't do everything on my own.  I completely believe that the Lord is using this season of my life as a working mother to help me realize that I don't need to do everything on my own.  That right beside me all the time is the One who not only died to save my soul but would love to ease the guilt and the heartache that I feel from not being able to stay home with my child.  I want so very much to be the best mother, but right now I need to be praying for the Lord to extend His arms of love to my baby and to hold her when He knows I can't.  To comfort her and dry her tears when He knows I must be elsewhere.  And to bring peace to my heart knowing that He truly is all either of us need.

God constantly is putting me in positions where I need to rely on Him and trust Him because I literally have no other choice.  My self-sufficiency is one of my greatest strengths and one of my greatest downfalls.  He prolonged my finding of my husband until He knew that I had come to the place where I had exhausted all my options other than to just trust His timing.  He held off our conceiving of a child until I finally accepted that while I knew He was going to give us a child, it was going to be when He wanted to, not when I wanted to.  And now, I am a full-time working mother because it puts me right in the place where I need to be.  The place where I am forced to my knees daily crying "God, I can't!" just so He can say "I know, but I can".  For someone like me, it's hard admitting that I can't do something, that I need help, or that something is hard for me or a struggle.  And it's that very pride that needs to die because I know it will keep me from the fullness of the glory of God.  Don't let your pride steal from you.  Kill it, daily.  Lean on Him who gives strength to the weak and rest to the weary.  He is waiting for you.  Only for you.